A year ago, I’ve experienced what I feel is a huge betrayal from a family
member. I’ve kept quiet about it but saw
something similar last night when I was watching an episode of House Wives of
Beverly Hills. In this episode, Erika
told Kathryn to watch out for Lisa Vanderpump, because she thought she was
calculating. Kathryn immediately ran and told Lisa what Erika said about her.
Erika, feels this was a betrayal to their newly formed friendship, however,
Katherine states "If Erika would have told me she didn't like or trust
Lisa VDP and asked me to keep that between us, I would have gladly done so. I
had no idea I was crossing the Mason Dixon line and this would be viewed as a
betrayal." I’m definitely on Erika’s side on this one.
Our “Safe Place” is usually found
amongst family member and friends. More
so, by the friends we keep close. One
way our tight friendships help us feel safe is their ability to allow us to share
issues and life worries. When you feel close to and comfortable with family
and/or friends and share a deep personal confidence, you have trust they will
treat this information with kid gloves, just as you would. But what happens
when that trust is broken?
There are so many reason and views that it’s hard to say. Perhaps they are
not aware of how sensitive the information was. Maybe they blab
details of their own life to everyone without thought and as a result they didn't think what they
were doing was a big deal. Another possible cause is that maybe they are just
big talkers (big mouths), and they let things slip sometimes. I’d hate to think
that this is their motivation, but perhaps the reason is because they wanted to
purposely hurt, embarrass or just enjoy seeing you in “chaos?” Possibly you and
this family member or friend are not on the best terms or feeling tension or
stress in some area of your relationship, and this is why they've decided to
talk about you to others. Or maybe they've been struggling with some things of
their own, totally of their own and felt the need to lash out and hurt your
feelings in order to make themselves feel better, which many insecure people do.
However, even if they were feeling a certain way, irritated with you or feeling
low about themselves, in now way, shape or form, does it mean it's okay that they betrayed your
confidence. At this point, you need to have a serious heart-to-heart with yourself if you'd
like to keep them in your life.
More often than not, you'll want to move on from a relationship that betrays
you and doesn’t take responsibility in this manner. Regardless if its a friend
or a family member, if you decide to do this, don't feel guilty about ending
this type of relationship. It has
probably run its course, and you learned a few things from it and will be
better as a person in whole, going forward because of this relationship. You think “easier said than done,” and you
would be right especially when it’s a sister or brother that you were once very
close to. But the responsibility is the
same, my sister had a responsibility to me to keep the information I provided
her safe, but decided to use it against me. With no remorse only a “well, if
you don’t want me to tell people what you say then don’t say anything to me at
all!” My heart was literally broken in an instant, I saw my sister as my best
friend. The one person in the world that
I thought had my back and that I could tell anything to. That betrayal hit me like a ton of
bricks. I couldn’t believe what I was
hearing from her. And that ladies, that kind of treatment and response will
make it just a little easier for you to sever the relationship.
After all has been said and done, I’ve learned that even though my sister is
the one that blabbed about things, I was the one that shared the information to
begin with. I, just as you will have to take responsibility for sharing regardless who it is that you are sharing with. There is
always a danger in being so open with your life that someone (even a close
sibling) can take it the wrong way or share it with someone else. Some friends
and family members are definitely worth your trust and some aren't. Going
forward, I have learned to be very cautious with what and who I say things to, but not so guarded that I am
afraid to be real with people. There really can be a balance; you just need to
be confident in yourself to know how to find it.
Labels: Betrayal
